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Chapter 1

The harsh glare of the sun assaulted me as I teleported from my apartment in Portland, Oregon, and onto a sunny Los Angeles sidewalk. I grimaced and tried to shield my eyes as I glanced around the sprawling street.

Just a block away was my target. The People’s Bank of the Republic. I began walking toward it, trying my best to look as innocuous as possible even though adrenaline was already starting to pump through my veins. Why? Because I was going to rob that fucker blind.

I took a deep breath in an effort to calm myself, and then shut my eyes as I counted backward from ten. With each number, I felt my racing heart slow and the nervous energy leave me. I could do this. It was no different than any other job.

It was time to put my game face on. So, trying to look as nonchalant as possible, I smoothed my black skirt with one hand, pushed the glass doors open with my other hand, and marched my ass inside the building. This is where you’re asking yourself, “Mallory, if you can teleport, why not just teleport into the vault and be done with it?”

Well, here’s the answer. I’d never seen the inside of this particular bank vault, and while I’d teleported places from pictures on occasion, I also knew a guy who had gotten stuck in a table because someone had redecorated the room, so it didn’t match said picture.

Because of that, I always found it better to walk in, use my magic to slow time, and go from there as I planned to do now. Besides, it was both early and a weekday so there were only a couple people inside. A token overweight rent-a-cop drinking coffee, one old lady waiting in line, and a cashier. And wow. What a cashier.

My breath caught in my throat as I caught sight of her crystal blue eyes and nearly fell into them. A blush crept across my cheeks as I turned my gaze away from her and tried to focus on the task at hand. I was here to do a job, and do it fast.

Besides, the last time I’d fallen for a pretty face, there hadn’t been a lot of substance behind it. Actually, that wasn’t true. There had been a snarling black hole of death and destruction. Nope, no more love at first sight for me.

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

Thankfully, the cashier was too busy shuffling her papers and ignoring the only customer in the place to give me more than a cursory glance. Good. That meant she wouldn’t remember me enough to give a description, and thanks to my magic, the cameras wouldn’t see me either.

Not that I was giving her much to work with. I was wearing a plain black skirt, a Def Leppard T-shirt I’d stolen from my ex, and didn’t have any visible tattoos or piercings. Hell, even my makeup was mostly there to hide my features, rather than accentuate them. To top it off, my raven hair had been hastily thrown into one of those pineapple updos that either meant shit was about to go down or Zumba. Actually, it usually meant Zumba.

A smile crossed my lips as I glanced at the three of them once more. None of them were paying me any attention. Good. Now, it was time to do my thing and rob this bank.

I concentrated on calling upon my magic. As the first spark of power flitted up from the earth and through my shoes, I felt myself come alive. Every smell, every sight, everything all around me snapped into focus. As the symphony of magic swirled around me, I pulled on the thread of power that hummed like a metaphysical harmonica.

I reached out toward that power and grabbed hold of it. Time started to slow down all around me just as the girl behind the counter looked up and screamed. The cry shattered my concentration, causing my spell to slip away into the ether.

Panic and confusion spilled over me. Had she somehow felt my magic? I wasn’t sure, but either way, I was done. Time to make a getaway before something worse happened.

I started to turn so I could race back outside and teleport to safety, and as I did, the sound of a shotgun going off obliterated my hearing.

Time seemed to slow for a completely different reason as I struggled to orient myself to what was going on. A gun had gone off. Right behind me. How could…?

My heart hammered in my chest. Someone was here with a gun. Fuck.

I instinctively grabbed hold of my magic, reaching out with my mind toward the ebb and flow of the universe. It was weird because while it wasn’t music or anything, the best way I could explain the flow of magic was to imagine myself standing in the middle of the symphony where each kind of magic was a different instrument. Teleportation always sounded like a big bass drum, while death magic sounded like a trombone going full tilt.

That’s not what I needed now. No, what I needed to be was bigger and stronger, so I grabbed hold of the metaphysical equivalent of a wicked guitar solo and slammed that energy inside myself. It ran roughshod through my body, causing my veins to stand out against my flesh. Still, that was a small price to pay to become both stronger and faster even if it tended to make me a little crazy and not in that cute, endearing way.

“This is a robbery. Everyone go ahead and kiss the ground. Don’t be a hero, and you might just make it home tonight,” cried a gruff, angry voice behind me, and while I’d like to say the sound of it made me scared, it more made me angry.

This was my bank to rob. Who the fuck did these ass clowns think they were? I’d cased this place for weeks. Worse, the way he spoke made me think I was in the middle of amateur hour. I mean, there was way too much fear in that voice.

I spun on my heel and glared at the robber. He was a big dude and had probably played sports in high school before a few too many trips to the bar caused him to fill out his black long sleeve and cargo pants in all the wrong places. That, combined with the Richard Nixon mask he and his two friends wore like this was some kind of movie, almost made me want to laugh.

Hell, I probably would have if they weren’t all rocking twelve gauge Mossberg 500s, one of which was pointed at the guard, who was so shocked, his mouth was caught frozen in mid-chew. I was guessing he hadn’t experienced this sort of thing before, which was probably good because the twelve to fifteen bucks an hour he probably made was definitely not worth getting shot over. His deal had been simple, sit there and look menacing, and he’d mostly done his job. It was these clowns that were fucking up his, and my, well-laid plans. For that, they’d pay.

“Seriously? What the fuck do you people think you’re doing?” I snarled, taking a step forward as the leader pointed his shotgun at me. His eyes narrowed behind the mask as he made like he was going to shove me with the business end of it. That was silly. I mean, he had a gun, he might as well use it.

“I’m serious, lady. I don’t want to kill anyone, but I will.” He cocked the shotgun, eliciting one of the scariest sounds in the world, and as his spent shell ejected from the gun, I called upon my power.

Magic swarmed all around me like a billion flickering purple and pink gnats. As my power pulsed, the overhead lights flickered before shattering in a spray of debris that rained down around us.

I reached out in a burst of magic-fueled strength, grabbed the barrel of the gun with one hand, and tore it from his grip. Purple sparks danced along my hand before leaping across the weapon to snap crackle and pop like the gun had turned into a giant sparkler.

“What the fuck?” the guy cried, stumbling backward in shock as more energy danced through my hair and clothing.

His two buddies turned their own shotguns on me, and as they did, I almost smiled. Good. This was exactly what I needed to blow off some steam.

“It’s like you guys knew I’d had a fight with my now ex-girlfriend and needed to punch someone in the face,” I snarled, closing my fist around the barrel of the shotgun I’d stolen, pancaking the metal.

More magic whipped around me, sending glittering contrails into the air as I dropped the broken weapon to the ground. As it hit the cheap tile with a clang, I flicked my wrist, causing an invisible tendril of power to whip through the air and wrap around the left thug.

“What’s going on?” he cried right before I flung him sideways into his buddy. The other guy’s gun went off as his friend slammed into him. It was a little weird because, from the flash of panic in his eyes, I was willing to bet he’d never actually fired a shotgun before. Jesus, this really was amateur hour.

Fortunately, the magic swirling around me kept him from graduating to murder. As his buckshot bounced harmlessly off of the energy whipping around me and clattered emptily to the floor at my feet, I started to laugh.

“Seriously? You were going to shoot me?” I shook my head and took a menacing step toward the two guys who had wanted to perforate me with buckshot. “Do you have any idea how much I hate getting shot?” I jerked my hand to the left, flinging the two thugs sideways into one of those cubicles reserved for suckers trying to get a credit card. “I mean, I’m having a really bad day, and then you actually went and shot at me!” I snarled as they hit the cheap fiberboard, shattering it upon impact. “That’s not fucking cool. I mean how would you like it if I shot you?”

“Wh-what are you?” the leader mumbled, eyes wide behind his mask as I pointed my fingers at him like they were a gun.

“I’m a witch,” I said and fired. “Duh.”

A bolt of blue lightning shot from my fingers like I was Emperor Palpatine and struck him in the chest. A cry of agony exploded from his throat, and the smell of singed hair and flesh hit my nose as he flew backward and crashed into the glass doors.

As he slumped slowly to the ground, blackened tendrils of smoke rose from the singed spot on his torso, and the telltale sounds of sirens filled my ears. Damn. That was no good. It would be way harder to rob the place if the cops came, even if I could teleport back to my apartment easily enough. After all, I knew what that place looked like.

“Are you okay, dear?” the old lady asked, giving me a knowing look as she stared at me, and there was something deeply disconcerting about it, almost like she was pleased with what I’d done. It was a bit weird, but I brushed it off as my mind reading too much into it—what with the adrenaline and what not.

“Thank you so much!” the cashier cried as I spun on my heel and made my way toward her as quickly as possible.

“Not a problem,” I said, wondering why she hadn’t commented on my magic. Honestly, it was a tossup whether or not she’d actually seen me do it. Half the time people just seemed to ignore when I did magic right in front of them. Usually, they acted like I’d just done some sweet jujitsu or something as though that could cause me to shoot lightning from my fingertips. Whatever, if she was going to call me a hero, I wasn’t going to stop her.

“You saved us,” she added as though I wasn’t aware of that. Outside cars were skidding to a halt, and the sounds of jackboots on asphalt started to fill my straining ears. That was fine, though, I was nearly ready to fly out of here.

“So what’s my reward?” I asked, batting my eyes at her as I put one arm on the counter and leaned forward toward her. She blinked dumbly at me and then began to fidget.

“Um… we don’t have a policy for…” she trailed off as I reached across the counter and picked up a business card and flipped it over.

“How’s about you just give me your number, and we’ll call it even?” I asked, and as her eyes widened and her cheeks flushed, I immediately realized she was trying to find a nice way to turn me down.

“You know what, never mind. I don’t think it’s gonna work out,” I said right before I phased through the counter, reached into her register, and pulled out one of those bags that contains all the hundreds. It wasn’t as heavy as I’d have liked, but I was, as they say, about to blow this pop stand. I didn’t have time to rummage around like I normally would. Besides, this would be able to buy more than enough whiskey to help me forget Jen.

“You can’t just take that,” the girl cried in shock, reaching toward me as I snatched my hand back.

“It’s okay. It’s insured,” I said, smiling brightly at her before turning and making my way back toward the entrance. With any luck, maybe I’d get out of here before anyone was the wiser. I mean, I was a witch, if anyone said anything, I’d just bippity-boppity-boo my way out of here.

Yes, in retrospect, I suppose walking back out the front door was a stupid thing to do, but in my defense, I’d just broken up with my girlfriend and had gotten all hopped up on magic fighting the thugs. I wasn’t exactly thinking clearly.

Still, when I pushed open the doors and found myself face to face with what looked like a billion armed SWAT guys my mouth went completely dry. I was a total dumbass. Worse, I was literally holding a stolen money bag in my left hand.

Damn. Those robbers had really screwed up my already fucked up day.

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Chapter 1

“How the fuck are we supposed to stop the Skeleton King?” Two’ Manchu said, voice cracking as he tore his eyes from the fading visage of the skeleton head Gereng had summoned and turned to Crash. “Please, please tell me you know.”

Crash said something, but I didn’t hear him because I was too busy taking a step backward. Then I took another one. Then I spun on my heel and walked away. This was too much, too big. I wasn’t sure how we were supposed to stop an army of undead hellbent on razing the town, and if I was being totally honest, I wasn’t sure why we would bother. We were in the newbie area of the game and had yet to step into the outside game world. Why would we waste time and risk our lives on a battle like this? It didn’t make any sense, even if I ignored the fact that I was scared out of my gourd.

I swallowed hard, trying to quell the thumping of my heart in my chest, but with every step I took away from my friends and the crazy old mage, I grew more and more anxious. I didn’t remember anything about this Skeleton King, nor why he was going to assault the town. I didn’t know how to stop him, and if I was being really honest with myself, I was really scared.

I mean, what if I stayed here to help stop the Skeleton King’s siege of the town and died? For the Non Player Characters in the Town of Silver Gables? That was crazy. For one they weren’t even real, and for two it wouldn’t matter because they were all ones and zeros. Even my pet bunny rabbit George, while funny and awesome, was no more real than a Tamagotchi, albeit a very realistically rendered Tamagotchi.

No. For me and my friends, this was real. Okay, so they were mostly jerks, and they hadn’t really been my friends before we’d been stuck here together, a fact that didn’t help make their status as friends less questionable, I didn’t want them to die. Mostly though? Mostly, I didn’t want to die.

I’d barely done anything in my stupid, pointless life. This Skeleton King seemed like he could not only wipe out the town, but kill all of us as well. If that happened, because of the way my mind was hooked to this particular version of virtual reality, it’d turn my brain into raspberry jam.

I couldn’t risk it. Not even to help my friends. Sure, Two’ Manchu had been nice enough, but Dark Heart? She was the fucking reason I was trapped in this world trying to find the soul stones. Sure by finding the soul stones I’d stop the AI virus the Maelstrom and save the internet or whatever, but let’s be real here. If given the choice, I wouldn’t be here trying to do that because at the end of the day, there were probably a billion other people better suited to be here than me. No, I just wanted to go home, but unfortunately, I couldn’t go home because of that whole brain in a box thing. The only way I’d get to go back to my life was by finding the soul stones and using them to win the game.

That was the problem. I had no idea if stopping the Skeleton King would help us find the soul stones. Sure, he might reward us with some good gear and what not, but a soul stone in the newbie area? That seemed unlikely at best. Besides, any gear we got here would likely be quickly rendered useless by leveling in the outside world. Not only did this entire quest seem like it would delay our finding of the soul stones, it seemed dangerous. At best.

No. The more likely scenario was that we’d die. And even if I was supposed to be expendable and here to do that, I didn’t feel expendable. I didn’t want to die and I wasn’t Jason fucking Stathem.

I was just Aaron Hope, college senior. I had a whole life back home, and I couldn’t, just couldn’t risk dying. There was no way I was facing the Skeleton King. It was time to leave this newbie area and head into the main game world where I could begin my search for the soul stones. Even if I failed, it was safer. Staying here was not an option, at least, not with an army of undead coming to ravage this place’s ass off.

“Looking for a drink?” asked a husky, feminine voice from my left, and the sound of it broke me from my reverie.

I was still in town, sure, but I’d wandered off a considerable ways from my friends. I sighed. It was just like when I’d talked on the phone back home. I always mindlessly walked around while I chatted, so sometimes I’d wind up clear across the dorms without realizing it by the time I’d finished a call, which was annoying to say the least when I needed to point something out that was on my computer and I had wandered half a floor away.

“What?” I asked glancing toward the speaker only to find myself looking at Jessica Rabbit. Okay, not her exactly, but all the vavavoom was definitely there, and it’d somehow been crammed into a chainmail bikini no proper adventurer would ever wear.

She stood next to a swinging door that reminded me of an old western saloon, and even from my place on the sidewalk, it sounded pretty boisterous inside. Too boisterous. Like the kind of place where I’d walk in and immediately get shot by a gunslinger with a bad attitude.

“Not really,” I said, shaking my head as I glanced anxiously at my HUD, looking for the time. The blacksmith wouldn’t be finished repairing my scythe for a while yet. Part of me wanted to leave now and forget the weapon, but I had time enough to wait for it. The weapon would be done well before the siege began.

It sort of pissed me off because normally, I’d log out, go to bed, and wake up to find it freshly crafted. Even if I didn’t have a virtual sword of Damocles hanging over my head, this whole waiting in real time was going to be balls fast.

“You sure? You seem like you have a lot on your mind, adventurer.” She smiled at me, and it was like someone turned on the sun. My heart began to race in my chest, and my pants suddenly felt two sizes too tight. I tried to remind myself that this was a game, but truth be told, no girl had ever looked at me like this NPC was.

“Sorry, I need to go find somewhere to crash for the night. I’m checking out of this town first thing in the morning.” I waved at her. The last thing I wanted to do was go drink in a virtual bar when I didn’t even know if I could get drunk. Nor did I want little miss too-good-to-be-true to roll my unconscious ass and take all my hard earned money. Nope, I needed all the Rhuvians, the cash used here in Ruul, I could get, and I definitely didn’t have any to spare on frivolous things.

“You could stay with me.” She smiled again as she turned and pointed toward the sign above the door with one long pink fingernail. “Actually, you kind of have to stay with me. We’re the only inn in the Town of Silver Gables.” She gave me a satisfied smile that made me want to kiss her. I didn’t, but man, was it tough.

“I don’t have that kind of coin,” I replied, turning to go. Only as I did, I saw my party members coming toward me. It didn’t seem like they’d actually seen me yet, but they were definitely on the lookout. I knew, just knew, that if they found me, they’d want me to help them try to stop the Skeleton King. I could still remember how I’d seen the wheels had turned inside Dark Heart’s brain when the skeleton’s dialog had finished.

Her eyes had lit up in a way that told me she thought we had to complete the quest and defeat the Skeleton King. I had no idea why we had to do it, but I was willing to bet she thought there might be a soul stone at the end of the tunnel. I, on the other hand, didn’t think so for two reasons.

Firstly, the Skeleton King’s siege seemed like exactly the kind of side quest that would pop up and take a bunch of time, which while fun, would mean that at the end of the day, you’d look and see you’d progressed the main storyline by one percent and spent fifteen hours doing side quests. In a game like this where I absolutely had to complete the main quest of finding the soul stones to return home, side quests were a non-starter.

Secondly, no developer in their right mind would put a soul stone at the end of a chain quest in a newbie area. This wasn’t like in Ready Player One, where anyone could visit the home world at any time. No, if this was anything like Titan Gate, once you went through the portal to leave the newbie area, so you could venture out into the wider world and not be confined to the starting hunting zones, you couldn’t return. That meant there’d be no way to come back and collect a soul stone if one was actually hidden here, which meant anyone who left would be screwed because even if they found all the other stones, they’d never be able to get this one. I mean, maybe that was the case, and this game was just really poorly designed, but it seemed unlikely.

So, you know what? Fuck that. I was done with this place. Everything was way too hard to fuck around with a side quest like that at our level. No. It was time to get out into the main world, level my character like crazy while finding better gear so I wouldn’t be gibbed while trying to find the soul stones in the world outside the Town of Silver Gables and its surrounding areas.

Only, I was fairly sure my friends would try to talk me into it, and since I’d die if Dark Heart died, I needed them not to talk me into it. No, I needed them to follow me into the world at large, and for that to happen, I needed them not to find me until that sank into their skulls because right now, they were still celebrating our victory over the cobalt demon. A victory that had nearly cost Two’ Manchu his life.

“Hey,” I said, turning back toward Jessica Rabbit in chainmail. “I think I will have a drink.” I nodded toward my friends as I approached the door and pushed it open. A wave of sound and chaos hit my eardrums like a tornado as I shoved some Rhuvians into her hand. “Just tell them I went a different way, eh?”

“Not a problem,” she said, smiling at me with her full pouty lips and pocketing the coins as I went inside. “We have a simple rule in the Macabre Skull. If you want to get lost, we’ll let you.”

“Thanks.” I nodded at her and stepped inside. The place was a lot bigger inside than I’d have thought it’d be from the outside. It was also both a lot dingier and a lot nicer than I’d expected. Everything inside was polished oak, from the bar stools and tables to the floor. The heads of everything from unicorns to orcs was mounted along the top perimeter of the room.

There were over a dozen adventurers sitting around playing cards inside, but none of them struck me as my kind of adventurers because all their garb was really similar. I sort of hated the cut and paste nature of NPCs in games. Granted, this was a newbie area, and I was sure no one wanted to spend time on NPCs here because of their limited interaction time, but still.

A grin spread across my lips. When I was done getting the soul stones, I’d have a word with the malevolent AI virus who ran this game. I’d ask, no demand, he make each NPC a lot more unique. After all, he was a sentient bit of code, it wasn’t like time mattered to him.

“What’ll you have?” the big burly bartender said as I approached. He was scarred from head to toe and was missing one eye so he just looked at me with a blank socket. “Cause if you aren’t here to drink, you need to leave.” He shot a glance past me toward the doors as though hoping more people would come in.

“Um…” I said, taking a seat in front of him. “I was hoping for a room for the night. Maybe some food?” I asked, glancing at my satiety bar in my HUD, the interface that wrapped around my vision displaying all my pertinent data like health and such like I was in one of those science fiction games.

Right now, it showed my satiety bar had dropped to twenty-four percent. I knew that in Titan Gate, a whole bunch of negative things occurred when that bar reached zero, so topping it before I slept would be good. Then I could wake up well rested and get a move on. The increased regeneration rate that came from sleeping would definitely help once I was out in the real world.

“We have chicken stew,” the bartender grunted, pointing to a large back cauldron hanging over a fire in the corner. “But you can’t have any unless you buy a drink.” He pushed a menu listing prices toward me. A beer, soup, and a room would come to less than five hundred Rhuvians, and since I had around ten thousand Rhuvians, I figured I could spare it. That said, of the total cost, the beer was three hundred Rhuvians by itself and accounted for sixty percent of the bill. No wonder he’d insisted on it.

“Fine, give me a drink, the stew, and a room, okay?” I smiled at him as I held my hand out across the counter, offering it to him. He nodded and took my hand, and as he did, my wallet diminished by the exact amount of the goods on the menu.

“Coming right up,” he said, turning away from me and swiping a glass mug off the counter before putting it under a tap on a stained wooden barrel. Frothy amber liquid filled the mug, and as the head rose past the top and froze as it dripped down the sides, he shut the tap and put it down on the wooden bar in front of me.

I took it from the bar as he watched me closely with his one good eye and took a sip. And holy fuck was that shit strong. As I swallowed a gulp that sort of tasted like honey and hops, I stared at it in shock. I was going to be drunk by the end of this thing. And you know what?

I’d had a long day. Maybe getting drunk was exactly what I needed.

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